The Mosaic of Identity and Sexuality

A discussion analysing how identity if formed, trepidation towards coming out and how to free yourself.

The exploration of sexuality and gender is poignant today, as there is much celebration surrounding the community. Understanding your sexuality and entering that community with confidence may be daunting or even a root of stress for yourself. 

Scotland has some of the highest percentages of queer people in the entirety of the United

Kingdom. As of 2022, it was found that there were 183,860 people identifying within the LGBTQ+ community here in Scotland, with Edinburgh being a focus for young queer people and students.  

Cliona, or Chuckie Orlagh, a local Edinburgh drag queen from the North of Ireland, has found an abundance of community and self-realisation in their journey.  

“It's very easy to fall into the kind of popular narrative that Ah! This is the moment I knew, or I always knew-but I didn’t. I didn’t always know. I had lots of boyfriends when I was a teenager. I didn't really understand the feelings that I had because of where I lived, I had no education about queerness or the fact you could be anything other than straight”  

Cliona McCann

This lack of education and stigma around queerness not only causes confusion for those who aren't heterosexual, but it also leaves space for regressive stereotypes and judgement from those outside of the community. Leading to further alienation of those young people trying to figure out who they are. This can be extremely damaging to those who feel that the only way to be accepted is heterosexuality, and is a thing Cliona has experienced herself. 

“Even if you know you're gay, there's also a big gap between knowing you're gay and accepting you're gay” 

For many, leaving the environment they grew up in or attending University separates their worries and gives them the freedom to find themselves. There is no pressure to maintain who you were, or who you are going to be. The entirety of self-discovery, coming out and finding community is a process that may not be linear. It is a cycle of new people and new impressions, but as Cliona describes it, it gets tiring being in a constant state of “self-surveillance” 

“You’re surveying yourself as if you have done something wrong, or what you are doing is wrong. When you're not doing anything wrong. So, then that psychologically is bad for you. Honestly, you need to do it (come out), you need to be free” 

Community is a large component towards the safety of identity. Queer support networks, drag shows and LGBTQ+ bars are all available in person and in online spaces. It helps you to find similar people and almost “neutralises” the idea that your sexuality is something different, or scary. It isn't a moral discussion; it is a part of who you are.  

“Being able to look at that part of yourself neutrally (sexuality) is really important because at the end of the day, it's just a part of you. You, as a person, you are like a big mosaic of different things, experiences and traits. Your sexuality or gender might be a big part, it might be a really important part, but it's still just a part.”